So So In Need of a Miracle

Things that need to be accomplished by 2am today:

1. 10 page paper
2. Learn Spanish
3. Hash out outline for 10 page paper.

Quick Note: I hate it when I am given deadlines and extra assignments that force me to shift my personal priorities to just pass a class. I've chosen what classes are important to me -- on academic and non-academic levels -- and I truly don't appreciate when attempts are made to dishevel the life that took precious time and energy to assemble and construct.

As noted earlier, I am so so in need of a miracle.

So So Obvious

Last night, I became increasingly aware of how I am valued, as a Swarthmore student, as opposed to other members of the Swarthmore community, Environmental and Dining Services. Swat students received emails and text messages less than hour after the incident. When considering the late hours that some staff people are required to work, I became extremely concerned and even disgusted when I started to think about what this implied about whose safety and well-being is considered valuable enough to alert.

Swarthmore -- lately, you've been so so obvious to me so so revealing of your true colors.

So So Not In The Mood

Fine!! I'll just say it!!

I DO NOT WANT TO WORK!!!

Why is it that the exact moment that I really need to step up is also the exact moment where I gain the perspective that how I do academically no longer serves as a direct indicator as who I am as a person? Yes, I am glad that I figured that out now. If I had figured that out 1.5 years ago, I probably not be here, at Swarthmore College. Let me not lie to myself -- as more time passed in the time leading up to and during freshman year, I stayed here, I chose to come here so that I can prove something to myself. But what have I proven to myself? Certainly not what I expected. And since that expectation is so much smaller than where I am, where I am going, and since I have new expectations that are shifting and changing and growing as I shift, change and grow, what am I trying to prove now?

Don't get me wrong, I am not kind considering transferring -- that is a non-possibility, especially at this point. There are too many people that I value so dearly for me to even consider that. But that still leaves the question, in light of my new goals and my new self, why am I here? What am I trying to accomplish? What more than just survive and just graduate?

Now, it's time for me to get to that terribly overdue paper of mine...

Privilege versus Blessed

In what ways is
saying that someone is blessed,
saying that they are privileged?

Are they the same things?
If not, how are they different?

If so, how is the religious and faithful
connotation of blessed reconciled with
the unearned, externally holistic benefit
implication of privilege?

So So Blessed

This past week has been one of the worst weeks that I've had here at Swarthmore. But if I'm completely honest with myself, it has also been one of the best. Here's why:

* ~ 10 hours of sleep in 3 days
* slept through 2 final presentations. a note about this. not just any presentation. i slept through a presentation for the class that has been my sustaining (academic) blood here. the class that has been teaching me so much. challenging me so much. and expecting what i expect of myself so much.
* did not sleep through the 3rd "presentation". this just made me extremely bitter. angry. upset. highly annoyed.

The combination of these 3 things, and others that I failed to mention here, proved to be a quite harrowing experience. But light of all that, I also realized how extremely Blessed that I am. Here's some of why:

* My girls published "The Sisters"
* Speak In, Speak OUT! premiered
* Felt like I was falling into abyss, and found that my friends where there to catch me everytime.
Every time. Thank you. Every time. Wow.

There are a bunch of other things and specifics that I could go into. But for some reason, when it comes to blessings, it sort of feels like a violation to place and fix them into this space. So I won't