So So Not In The Mood

Fine!! I'll just say it!!

I DO NOT WANT TO WORK!!!

Why is it that the exact moment that I really need to step up is also the exact moment where I gain the perspective that how I do academically no longer serves as a direct indicator as who I am as a person? Yes, I am glad that I figured that out now. If I had figured that out 1.5 years ago, I probably not be here, at Swarthmore College. Let me not lie to myself -- as more time passed in the time leading up to and during freshman year, I stayed here, I chose to come here so that I can prove something to myself. But what have I proven to myself? Certainly not what I expected. And since that expectation is so much smaller than where I am, where I am going, and since I have new expectations that are shifting and changing and growing as I shift, change and grow, what am I trying to prove now?

Don't get me wrong, I am not kind considering transferring -- that is a non-possibility, especially at this point. There are too many people that I value so dearly for me to even consider that. But that still leaves the question, in light of my new goals and my new self, why am I here? What am I trying to accomplish? What more than just survive and just graduate?

Now, it's time for me to get to that terribly overdue paper of mine...