Here is a conversation with a good friend:
friend: idk if read ur clarification...but ur saying it also bothers you when someone comes up and asks hey have you done the reading for class and what do you think?
me: no. she totally took what i said out of context.
friend: i get what your saying that the poing is to not assume ur access/ availability
me: and well meaning white people like her don't ask me my opinion because 1. they heard it in class already 2. they think that i think that they are racist 3. don't actually care what i mean/think
friend: i think she just needs clarification... like its not about wat you say its about the context... even if it is something as simple as did you do the reading its ok if it's like while waiting to go into class and neither of you are doing anything but is rude if you are for example having a conversation with a friend or look like ur in a rush somewhere cuz that just assumes that wat u r doing is not important/ you are accessable which goes back to your opinions on that and slavery. thats what you're getting at? or am i just as confused as this other chick?
me: yeah, you got it, the assuming thing. in that case, the context doesn't matter because the assumption is still being made. with that said,
friend: yea.. i was gonna say...
me: people can still default to social rules of respect that should govern ppls interacts with each other. which is complicated
friend: even if you don't have the assumption the fact that that is what these people are doing is the assumption you make
me: because ppl obviously have different social rules
friend: idk i think it has to do with context... cuz i dont think its safe to assume that if it is the second situation (the ur busy one) and they come up to u that theyre assuming ur accessible... some people are just actually rude and have no idea about social rules. they may have no problem doing stuff like that to white people as well
me: its not that i am making an assumption about most of the white people that i am interacting with. what i meant before is that there is a social precedent, informed by society, politics, history etc, that is larger than just me or the other white person that creates and reinforces power dynamics that are very pervasive. what i am calling the white person out on is buying into the social precedent, laced with different systems of oppression that places them and their needs in the center and pushes me to the side, just so that they can get what they want and get their needs met. so even if you are totally clueless about social rules and even if you are rude, if you are white, it is has been made okay for you to do so or be like that because of that social precedent.
but if you are of color, then come along a host of sterotypes that will silence you or push you off which is how i read into ann marie's and kate's comments (kate less so)
using the social precedent to their benefit... however, the corollary that comes with it, that their benefit is someway connected to someone's detriment, is never considered because that privilege to not even acknowledge the consequences of buying into this on an individual level, is also wrapped up into this social precedent
friend: kk i c
me: i know that was long... i've been thinking about it for a while
friend: but i get it... even if its not that they always blatantly think you are accessible its that its a social precedent and lifetime of being "more important" just because you are white that causes them subconsciously (and not so subconsciously) that's what's going on. rightish?
me: yeah, totally, i would be surprised if most people had these thoughts on a very conscious level and i think that because they don't, they often don't see themselves implicated in anything having to do with racism, because only the kkk has blatant thoughts like that. thx for pushing me & asking those questions... i needed to articulate that. do you mind if i post this conversation?
friend: haha np... i was just being a pain in the ass cuz i figured you just kept getting posts like this cuz ppl were really understanding where you were getting at since usually ppl dont have these blatant thoughts... so i wanted you to break it down
Showing posts with label clarification. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clarification. Show all posts
Monday, June 1, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
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I'm really confused... First you complain that the freshman didn't come to you on your hall to talk about diversity, and then you say that you hate it when random white people come up to talk to you. Which is it?
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for calling that out. It does seem very contradictory right next to each other and it was something that someone has already asked me about.
To make it simple, it's both.
To complicate it a bit: I was calling out the freshman on diversity, because based on this interaction that I had with him, sharing a living space with people of color as a white person is supposed foster some greater connection across difference, across race. However, despite the fact that we did occupy the same living space, he failed to utilize our living space in a way that would help bridge differences in that multicultural way that would bring diversity and understanding.
Having random white people come up and talk to me and having a white person in my hall trying to build a relationship, bridge whatever you want to call it are two entirely different things. To be completely honest, both situations annoy me. But the more problematic one is the former. Aside from the fact that it is rude to interupt people without their consent, what really bothers me is the assumption of my instant access and availability. Contrary to popular belief, there are other things higher on my priority list than interfacing with curious, well-meaning white people who are interested in their dose of diversity for the day. And as a Black womyn increasingly aware of her past while keenly aware of the present, I am very conscious of how instantly accessible and available Black women are and have been in American society (NOTE: I'm thinking of slavery. I'm thinking how raping Black women was not considered a crime, through the mid 20th century, because of assumed access and availability). To get a clue on how these interruptions and assumptions leave me feeling, see Alysha's video on The Ethnic Spectacle. It annoys me when random white people try to talk with me, with no context or preface, because not only does me fulfilling that role support their whiteness as central to the universe, but it simultaneously constructs myself, my needs, my desire and my being as peripheral in a way that is detrimental to me. So if I am going to have a conversation with a white person, random or not, about anything, it needs to be on my terms, and in a way that my interests and well-being can remain central to the purpose of the discussion, in a way that I see fit. And I do not care for the white person who had lost out on the opportunity to learn. I am no one's teacher and I came to college to obtain an education for myself. Not to be an enriching supplement to anyone else's.
The latter situation annoys me because of the whole teaching aspect, but I do believe that given the setting, if I chose to engage, there would be more room for me to claim power in that situation. Whethor it's power to set the parameters of the conversation, because of our shared living space or power to say I do not want to have this conversation, because of our shared living space, it is still power that I can claim as my own and power that is more likely to be recognized and respected by my white hallmate who did not engage in anything at all.
[Which brings me to this last point, diversity (as demonstrated by this white male student) is something where white people just exist and "Ethnic Spectacles" are brought to their doorstep, or shall I say dormstep, where people of color are the only active players.]
And don't be so shy anomynous. I think that it's better to have conversation when we both know who we are talking to.
SableYork